A Little "White" (and black) Lie

Coming from a Catholic household I know the importance of differentiating between a white lie and the kind that are going to really warrant an hour long penance. I have always prided myself in a minimum of penance time. But every so often, a situation arises and I find I just can't control myself or the outcome. This was such a situation.

Oreo cookies. Who among us doesn't just love them. I mean come on now. Be honest. Do you eat them whole or are you a closet separatist? I carefully pull them apart and eat all of the naked ones first saving and savoring the delectable "middles" for last. Double stuff is the best. My hands start to sweat just thinking about them. On occasion I enjoy them with a nice cold glass of milk. Other times, my thought is that the milk will just take up more Oreo room.

I also enjoy reading a good novel. Murder mysteries are my favorites. Propped up in bed, leaning back against my fluffy pillows. What could be better than that? Why not have some cookies while I read I thought. So I quietly went out to the kitchen and ever so slowly (so the bag wouldn't crinkle and make a bunch of noise) removed a handful of Oreos and proceeded to quietly tip toe back to my room. Maybe this is the part that I should admit what part of the problem was. You see, I had mentioned, just mentioned mind you, to my husband (who NEVER forgets anything I tell him) that I was going to start "watching my waistline". I was going to eat better, exercise, walk the dog......you know all that stuff that you tell people to make yourself feel better. Anyway, I gingerly got back into bed with the paper towel (no crumbs in this bed, thank you very much) and got myself all set up to enjoy my book and my cookies. Carefully, ever so carefully, I twisted those cookies apart, separating the first eats with the last eats. I laid them all out in a row balanced on my tummy and then gently lifted the book and placed it right in front of the stack of cookies.

Now I know what you are thinking. You think that I was trying to be sneaky right? It wasn't exactly like that. I just really wanted some Oreo's and I didn't want my husband to feel pressured into reminding me that they probably weren't the best choice for a late night snack. See.....I was thinking of his feelings. Wow, I can tell that is one is going to cost me in penance. Anyway......there I laid, propped up, book hiding, I mean shielding, no, no, no, disguising the fact that I had a napkin full of cookies, quite enjoying myself.

About the 3rd naked Oreo, I glanced up to see my husband standing at the foot of the bed. I gave him a very nice closed mouth smile. He smiles back at me but then I notice that his line of vision has shifted to a different area. Kind of above my head and to the right of me. I mumble "what's wrong Honey?" and he says "I don't want to frighten you, but there is a lizard on the wall above the headboard". Yeah right I think. Lizard smizard. He must have looked at the dad gum cookie bag and knows I have cookies. About the same time as I was thinking this thought I turned my head ever so slightly and out of the reflection of my glasses I saw the outline of the biggest lizard I had ever seen. Surely this Iguana must have escaped from the Fort Worth Zoo. Faster that I have personally ever moved in my entire life, I flung the covers off of me and literally jumped out of bed and ran out of my room. Here is where the difficulty happens.

You see, in my urgent quest to beat feet and get the heck out of that Kamodo Dragons way, I forgot something very important. As I passed my husband like a speeding bullet, the cookies, ALL of those wonderfully perfectly separated "last eats" collided with my husband. I could hear him calling my name as the napkin gently floated down and landed at his feet. I silently went to get the vacuum. He remained where he was explaining to me what happens "when first we practice to deceive".

I have confessed this grievous sin to my Wii Mii. It was shortly after she groaned when I got on the Wii board to do my daily Body Test. Is it possible that she could even groan louder? I realized at that point that it was Mii and her against a world of Oreos gone bad on my hips. I have vowed to look at the shadow I cast and work to create a smaller one. My wonderful Wii Mii has promised to help me get to my goal.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot about the lizard. It was one of those tiny little gecko things, and I am sure I heard him snickering at me as I carried him out to the front flower planter.