The Hunched Back of Noted Dame

Right up front I want to admit that I am not a girly girl. I do not "shop until I drop", nor do I make it my life's quest to have an "ensemble", much to the fashionista's chagrin I must say, but hey, I am over 21 now and can make up my own mind where my fashion loyalties will be. I don't need to read every magazine about the colors of the season, what's hot and what's not, or when it is acceptable to wear white pants in public. I mean, come on now, we ALL know the rules concerning the proper etiquette where white pants are concerned right? Try, as I may to conform, the little rebel comes out in me and I always find a reason to wear my white pants before Memorial Day. Muhahaha!!!!!

Another thing I have never really taken a shine to, is changing purses to go with that oh so perfect ensemble. I am a woman of many needs. Most of which I carry in my purse. I have my little lipstick bag, just in the off chance I decide to actually wear the stuff. There is the semi small bottle of hand lotion, and coupons, just in case I stop at the store. A butter knife for all those times that I might have to cut a sandwich in pieces for the little ones. Those "little ones" now have little ones of their own. Kleenex, handi-wipes, mints. You name it. If you need it, I probably can find it in the bottom of my purse. I carry the current years calendar booklet as well as last years. You never know when someone might need to know what you did last year. The measuring tape with the itty-bitty flashlight came in really handy when I dropped my cell phone in my purse and I couldn't find it. A good purse, with all of the basics, is what a woman of my stature needs. She also needs a good chiropractor.

I recently saw a photo of myself in a group of smiling friends. We girls had been out to dinner or some other fun thing and someone in the crowd snapped a picture. I looked as though I was trying to walk in the Ghost Town's Haunted Shack at Knott's Berry Farm. Why in the world was I leaning to the left so much? All my friends were standing up straight and tall and I appeared to need a really quick refresher course on good posture. And then I looked a little closer. What in the world were all the little sparkling dots at my waist? It was the bling from the strap of my purse twinkling in the flash of the camera. All of those essentials in my purse were actually causing me to look like a drunken sailor on a Saturday night.

That night when I got home I did the old twist and turn in the bathroom mirror. I turned from side to side over and over again to try and get a view of the enormous muscle in my shoulder from totin' around this suitcase. Hot dang man, I looked like a whiter version of the Incredible Hulk from the left. Believe it or not, I really thought about getting on the scale and weighing myself with the baggage and without. When did my purse become a weight lifting event for the Olympics? I should be getting a gold medal for carrying this thing around everyday.

I decided that it was time to clean out the old purse. So I sat at the dining room table and my husband brought me the kitchen trash can, so that I could do the "toss and go". I figured it would probably take me just a few minutes to clear out some of the necessary things that might be the cause of the chunkiness of the purse. You know, the actual non-essentials. Receipts for things that I couldn't wear again if my life depended on it. Gum wrappers from all those times that there wasn't a trash can close by. Pens that had run out of ink years ago. Little scraps of paper that must have had important notes on them at some point, but were now no more than smudges of ink. There. I had done it. I had cleaned out my purse. All that was left in the wake of this cleaning would be those important things. The must haves. The things that come in handy in a pinch. The things that still weight a ton. I decided that a clean light purse was not in my near future, so yes, you know it, I have learned to carry it on the right side, and soon I will be a balanced woman again.