Slip Slidin' Away

I have recently discovered that the rules of "I just have to have that" do not just apply to those precious little knee huggers at Christmastime. Oh no. There seem to be plenty of folks over the age of "You should know better than to believe that crud" living around me. Some of them even live at my house. Imagine that.

I would venture to say with the utmost of certainty, that most of us seek to get a good nights sleep. I know I do. My husband is a tosser and turner. You know the kind. By the end of the day his back is sore and something about laying still for several hours doesn't work well. It takes him about a minute to fall into this deep deep sleep then he spends the next several hours tossing and turning. He just never seems to get comfortable. Back and forth and back and forth. Grab the pillow, fluff the pillow. Sheet tucked in and sheet tucked out. Even the dogs leave the room to go and find a quiet place to get some rest. It's amazing that I look as good as I do in the morning !!!

On a recent trip to the local membership store, he spotted a huge display of the "World's Best Pillows". "Maybe a new pillow would help" he said as he picked one up. These things weighed about 5 pounds and were so thick you could leave a hand print in them that took several minutes to go away. "Wow" I said. "Once you lay your head down on that thing you will never move again". Not a bad idea I thought to myself. Maybe this will eliminate the night spasms and we will both look great in the morning. Now, these things weren't cheap so we decided to buy just one and we would both test it out and see what we thought. I must admit that first night I was a bit green with pillow envy and he lay ever so quietly breathing in and breathing out with a slight smile on his face. Blissful rest. I just gotta have one of those pillows too.

Then I saw it. Sitting in my own living room watching a Saturday afternoon rerun. The thing that promised me a good nights sleep. A mattress pad made out of the very same miracle material that my husbands pillow was made out of. Oh my gosh! I was so excited I almost forgot to breathe. And the commercial for it was so informative and believable. A simple mattress pad that would guarantee the best nights sleep humanly possible. Morning stiffness and back aches would be a thing of the past. You are cradled to sleep and your body is tenderly wrapped in the firmness of the most incredible mattress pad a person could ever ask for. Brilliant, just brilliant. Who ever discovered this patent had my vote for person of the year. According to the commercial, and we all know that there is only truth in commercials, you could even jump up and down on your side of the bed, in your skimpy negligee. while your mate has a glass of wine balanced precariously by his toes. Wow. I was sold. We were getting one of those. And we did.

Now, I am not one to complain, but there is something amiss with my new mattress pad. Oh it is firm enough, just like the advertisement said. You can press on it, and your hand print will remain for several minutes. But it is having a smidgen of a problem staying "in place" on our pillow top mattress. Remember those???? Oh don't date me now, but yes, we still have a pillow top mattress. It's only about 1/8 of an inch thick but that is just enough to throw the new mattress pad off kilter. I first noticed that I would wake up in the morning gripping the side of the bed with the most peculiar feeling that I was falling off of a cliff. It has come to my attention that the mattress pad shifts to the right every night causing a couple of inches to hang off my side of the bed. I found this out one morning as I sat down and reached into my closet for my shoes. I slid off the bed and into the closet in a split second. This was NOT mentioned in the commercial. I was devastated. Can you imagine my turmoil? What was I to do? Get rid of it?

I don't want to toot my own horn or make you think that I am ingenious. Nor do I want you to get the impression I spend my days watching television. But it was indeed another commercial that saved the day. Oh you've seen it. The stuff that can fix just about anything you break. You can hang by a hard hat suspended from a ceiling joist with it? I figured I could take a little bit of that liquid gold and glue the two mattresses together. The new mattress pad would stay in place and I would no longer feel as though I was falling. Great huh? Sometimes I amaze myself with how smart I am. It's almost scary to realize that all that intelligence is securely wrapped up inside my little ole head. Now I just need to go and watch one more commercial. You know, the one that tells you what product to use to get the dang sheets unstuck.