Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I am sure everyone has had a bad hair day from time to time. Some days there is simply not enough conditioner on the planet to tame this mop of mine. It is extremely curly and as unruly as a two year old having a fit at the candy counter. I am thinking, if I traced my family tree back a few hundred years or so, my hair DNA must have had a curse put on it. There is no other reason that I can think of. After all, you know me.....I am nice.

In my younger years, and of course youth gives me no excuse for bad behavior, I could hardly hide my disdain for people who grew hair, in my opinion, where hair really shouldn't be. Standing in line patiently at the grocery store, making idle conversation with the person behind me, when all of a sudden my eyes would be riveted on these little wisps of hair. I'm not talking about a hair or two being out of place here either. Oh, no, no, no, my friends. I am referring to the moment when they turn their head and the light catches these 4 inch hairs growing from their earlobes or chins. I have to cover my child's eyes for fear that they will be terrified at the sight of this. I am almost speechless, and the conversation ends with me mumbling something about them having a good day and vowing that this will never happen to me.


My "moment in the sun" came on a beautiful spring day while at the ball park with the family. We were all kicking back enjoying the game, while feasting on nachos and soda. The grandkids were having a great time and my daughter and I, sitting side by side, were busy catching up on the news of work and family. All of a sudden, mid bite mind you, she stares at me with her mouth gaping open and says "Mother!!! My gosh, what is on your chin?" My first constructive thought was that I must have a smidgen of melted cheese on my chin from the nachos. Makes sense right????? I gently dab at my chin with the napkin and then turn to her and say "There. Did I get it?"


Before I can finish wiping my face she has turned and is frantically going through her purse desperately seeking something and all the while mumbling to herself about this shameful situation. The next thing I know she has whipped out a pair of tweezers and has grabbed ahold of my chin and as she "tsk, tsk,tsks" me, she begins to pluck, pluck,pluck me !!!! Now, it is not that I am an overly private kind of person, but hey, plucking my chin at the ballpark is not something that I would consider as a day at the spa. She even calls my husband and son-in-law over to a gander at the atrocity of the situation. Well, let me tell you, I made a firm decision to never let this happen again. How, or better yet, when, did I become the person from the grocery store line. How does a nice person like me, turn into hairy monstrosity overnight? I must get a handle on this whole thing and NOW.


Wearing glasses and trying to see myself in a mirror has become quite a challenge these last few years. As I stood at the bathroom sink, poised and ready with tweezers in hand, I realized that with the bifocals in my lenses, my chin area became just a blur of flesh colored material. I couldn't see the hair much less try to grab them with the tip of these itsy bitsy tweezers. So I called in my husband for reinforcement. He put on his reading glasses thinking that it would give him just the right view and clarity. Nope. He couldn't see what he was doing either. Being an Internet surfer from way back, he decides that we can get all the direction we needed from the web and proceeds to look up "hair removal". Lots of wonderful products pop up and we read all about them. We make our decision and off we go to the store to buy wax strips. "This should get the job done" he says and smiles.


Sitting in a chair with my head tilted back, I watch with amazement, as my loving husband rubs the wax strips in his palms to get them good and soft and ready to do their job. He gently peels the paper off and then applies them to my chin massaging them so they will get "all of the hair". No stragglers left on my pretty face. He straightens up, rubs his hands together, gives his knuckles a good crack and says "Ready"? Before I can suck in a breath he yanks as hard as he can, practically ripping me out of the chair. Good night Agnes. Are these things made of crazy glue? I feel like the bottom portion of my face has been permanently removed. I am waiting for the blood flow to start. Do people really do this all the time?


My husband, bless his heart, has now made it his mission to keep all those nasty hairs from building up on my pretty little face. At the drop of a hat, or a stray ray of sunshine, he will lovingly offer to groom me. My my, I am one lucky gal huh? He doesn't even complain about doing it. Nope, not at all. He sets to his work almost joyfully. What's that? Maybe too joyfully? You don't really think do you......he is enjoying this far too much????? Well I never....ever.....would have thought of that. You don't think that is why I just happened to notice a little stray ear hair that I will need to take care of for him do you? Hell hath no fury like a woman with a spare wax strip.