The Shedding

After a long day at work it is always a joy to come home. My husband and I start dinner and mull over our day. What we did, where we went. Normal conversations between normal people. Sometimes we even take a cup of coffee and go and sit on the porch for awhile. We watch the kids play in the yard across the street. Lazy conversations. Idle chit-chat. Safe. Secretive. Afraid.....very afraid. Neither of us wants to bring up the subject of the evil that lurks within our home.

It happens almost every morning. In normal homes. In quiet neighborhoods around the world. Folks starting their day, getting ready for work. Taking a nice hot shower. Picture it. You turn on the faucet, wait for the water to get just the right temperature and step in drawing the shower curtain closed. You look up at the shower head as the water gently cascades over your face and then it starts, the haunting screeching violin music from "Psycho"....REE REE REE REE. You feel it before you actually see it. But it's there. In the water. Coiling and snaking its way around your toes. Pulling you towards the drain where it will surely drag you to your death. At my house.......we call this "The Shedding". Strands of long natural curly hair hiding in the deepest recesses of the drain. Waiting, waiting, waiting for their next victim to step into the shower.

And then there's the bathroom sink. You wash your hands there, brush your teeth there. What could be safer? But every so often the water starts draining a little slower so you take the stopper out and pear down into the pipe thinking that maybe the kids have lost a Lego in there or something. Finally, you get a wire hanger and stick it down there digging around to get a grip on the culprit. And what do you pull out? This giant ball of tangled hair that resembles a very small rodent. It's "The Mouse"! There isn't a plumber in the world that doesn't quake in his boots when he gets a call from a frantic homeowner asking for help to unclog a drain. I have seen with my very own eyes what comes out of there. These guys earn every penny.

At times it seems like I am a character actor from the Star Trek series. You remember the one I am talking about don't you? The story of the Tribbles? The cute little balls of hair that suddenly started multiplying and eventually filing the entire ship? Or, it could be a scene from Gremlins. They were never supposed to get wet either. Maybe I have Gremlin DNA or something. I have not quite figured it out, but it certainly seems that no matter where I go or what I am doing I leave my signature shedding in my wake.

I was so depressed about this. Would I pass this terrible trait on to my unsuspecting children? Would they too, have people come up behind then and gently pluck the stray hairs off the back of their shirt. Would they carry the dreaded label of a shedder and become an outcast in society? Would they be taken off of the "A" list and not be invited to the company parties because....well you know....it could be catching. This was horrible. How was I ever going to survive this terrible fate that had been dealt to me.

And then it happened. A friend came out of the "shedding" closet and confessed that she too, was a shedder. I was stunned. Shocked. Speechless. But secretly, quite frankly, I was overjoyed. If there was 2 of us, then maybe there were 3 of us. Could there be another shedder who needed a friend? A confidant? Someone who would understand that shedders should not be the scourge of the drainpipes? We could have meetings. Write books. Share our shedding stories. We could go worldwide with this. I could see it in my mind. Shedders from every walk of life, banding together and walking arm in arm demanding the respect that we deserved, never more to be taunted and humiliated by those who seemed to be able to keep their hair on their scalp. Or, we could just simply pluck the hair off of each others back when no one else was looking, nod at each other and just know, that we belonged to a secret elite group. Yeah. Maybe keeping it to ourselves is the best idea yet.