Red Red Whine

I have often wondered, who is it that makes the decisions on what we should and shouldn't wear. Haven't you? Is it some high class diamond dripping vamp sitting at her desk on the 50th floor of a downtown New York city office? Could it be the never a hair out of place Donald type guy who marries only the best dressed women in the world? Is the cheesy looking guy that stops at the coffee house each morning and sits and pours over the latest magazines????? Come on.....aren't you the least bit curious to know who it is that sets these fashion trends in place? Well search no more. I have the answer and I am willing to share this timely secret with you. It's my Mom and her best friend.

They are without a doubt the fashionistas of their town. The women in Wichita Falls would be running around stark naked if it wasn't for their keen eye to the latest fashion "Ins" and "Outs". It is amazing to watch them in action. The sales clerks tremble when they see them walk into their shops. These women are known around town I tell you. They can "make" or "break" a shop. I am sure that they must be inundated daily with emails and calls from around the world seeking their advise on fabric trends, skirt lengths and of course color. If you want to know what is hot or what is not, these two fine ladies are there for the asking. Even if you really don't want to hear the answer.

Winter is a special time for me. I enjoy the sights and sounds. The baking and gift wrapping. The holiday sweaters that just seem to scream to be worn joyfully. As mom would always say "Red is such a bold wonderful color. Use it to your advantage. It commands respect". Since a good dose of respect is something I always like my fellow man to give me, I set my sights, and heart on something new.....something bold.....something that I have ever owned before......red pants. Yep. I tell her that I am going to buy a pair of red jeans or red dress pants. It was a lovely day. Both of us enjoying a fresh cup of her delicious coffee. Mother and daughter sharing quality time together at her dining room table, with Christmas music playing softly in the background. It just doesn't get much better than that. Until I mentioned the red pants.

With every ounce of finesse she has, she gingerly sets her cup on the table, looks at me lovingly and says "Really ?????" I don't know about any of you but when my Mom says "really" like that, it usually means something more like "Have you totally lost your mind????!!!!" I slowly set my cup down and wait. And wait. Eventually she will spill it. They always do. Even when you have given birth to their grandchildren, they will ALWAYS be Mom. Good sound solid advise is never more than a phone call away right? Just ask me. I am a mother too. I know how this works.

Ever so gently she clears her throat and begins. "Dear" she begins, "There are certain things that women of our, (cough cough), size should not wear. One of those items is red pants. Trust me. You don't want to do this. Red should only be worn above the waist. When you are leaving a room, in red pants, you will look like a Christmas ornament. A very BIG Christmas ornament". I blinked twice to cover my amazement. An ornament????? A big ornament at that. She must be wrong on this one. Her fashion sense must have had a momentary lapse. I wanted red pants....by gosh I HAD to have red pants. All of a sudden the thought of not having red pants was almost too much to bare. But, the good daughter that I am, I sighed and thanked her for her wonderful forethought on this issue and let the subject drop.

We arrived home on Sunday afternoon and the next day I had my husband promptly take me to the mall. I was going to show her alright. I was going to go to every store that was in that mall until I found them and owned them. Red pants. I was on a mission. The holidays were still upon us so they shouldn't be too hard to find. In my mind, every store in the mall should be stocked to the rafters with red pants. I would visit every store if that is what it took. Time stood still as we made our way around the mall.

Finally, we came to a shop that caters to petite sized women. Remember???? That's what I am....petite. So in I go, shoulders squared, head held high straight to the first sales lady I see. Of course they have red pants she assures me. We travel to the rack and what do my eyes behold but pair after pair of red pants. And believe it or not, all of the skinny girls had already been there but left plenty of "my" sizes. From 12 up to 18 there were dozens of them. It was a bounty. I grabbed a pair, told my husband to have a seat and dashed into the dressing room. There is no way to express the bliss of knowing that in a few short minutes I was going to be floating out of the store with my new red pants. I pulled them on, and twirled around to get a mirrored view. I pranced out of the room and practically danced in front of my husband anxiously waiting for him to tell me how great they looked. But then I noticed it. The raised eyebrow. The one that speaks volumes without saying a word. "Turn around" he whispered. I do so. And I wait.....and wait. I turn back around and see that he is standing up ready to go. He says one word and one word only "Ornament".

I called my Mom a few days later and in passing mentioned my little shopping excursion. I could see her smiling though the phone, but she never uttered the words "I told you so". She didn't have to. After all, I'm a Mom too. I just shoulda known.